I’m on a Hot Chip kick today. This one features Reggie Watts.

This morning I was behind the exact same Scion xA that I was driving. Same color and everything. Even the x in xA was a little discolored like mine. He kept looking at me in the rear view mirror which sent me into a mini-rage. I wanted to pull up beside him and do what Sarah Silverman does in this video, except unprovoked. Just to be an asshole.

Maybe I should start watching 2 Broke Girls…Jesus…

I’ve had a string of weird dreams in the past couple of days. Two nights ago, I dreamt (dreamed?) that I was in the middle of nowhere and very hungry. I was driving and saw a restaurant. It was just a generic eatery on the outside, but on the inside it was a McDonald’s. I wanted to turn around and leave, but for some reason I didn’t. I ordered a Big Mac and ate it. I woke up from this dream scared because I gave up McDonald’s over 2 1/2 years ago and vowed never to go back. It was basically a food nightmare.

I took the day off today to take care of my mom who had surgery. We had to leave early for a start time of 7am, so needless to say I was tired when I got back home. I took a nap and the triple feature dream started. The first dream was generic; I was running through a huge futuristic complex that was sort of like a mall and living space. I was able to jump and climb without any effort.

The second dream might have been in the same place; I was in an elevator with a girl who looked like the chick in Don’t trust the B in Apt. 23. This is strange because I haven’t seen an episode or even thought of that show since I saw a press thing for it 2 or so weeks ago. Anyway, the elevator starts to shake violently and she ends up grabbing me and holding onto me, so we’re hugging. The shaking stops but she doesn’t let go…then you know…we made out and were about to have sex, but I woke up.

The third dream is where I woke up in. I was at my friends’ place and he, his wife, and 2 kids were asleep and I was sleeping on the couch. I hear a knock at the door and my friend’s parents burst in with a golden retriever and a few cats. I get up and open the door to my friends room and the dog runs in while barking a lot. Then I’m back at the couch and the cats are on my lap and demanding me to pet them. Then I woke up for real.

The rest of the day has been uneventful.

I played the shit out of the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game for the NES. I only got to like level 5 but I played the shit out of it none the less! Here’s a dude playing drums over the awesome music.

Music.

It was January 2008. A new year and a new type of iPod had just come out a few months before, the iPod Touch. My old iPod was the thick white one with a hard drive that had to spin up to start playing. I got it for free through one of those old “Get people under you and get a free iPod” pyramid-scammer web sites. But at the time it wasn’t a scam and they really sent out iPods! Well, it died and I was without music for my workouts. I needed something to fill the void, I couldn’t go back to my old Creative Nomad II…that thing was a relic.

So I asked my Mom for a birthday present; okay I guilted her into it because she was on vacation in San Francisco and I was alone for Christmas and New Years. Fast forward to when she gets back and buys me the iPod. This thing was magic. I could download programs, wait no they’re called apps now! I can listen to music and view photos! I can go onto Myspace and browse other websites! I got the 16gb model which was the highest I could get at the time and I was in love with everything Apple. 

A few months go by and I’m still loving my iPod Touch. Then Steve Jobs decides to hold one of his turtleneck press conferences. “Hi folks, wow what a year it has been for the iPod Touch! Bazillion bazillion files have been downloaded blah blah blah…” Then he announces that a new iPod Touch is coming out that has 32Gb of storage and a few enhancements. Okay that’s to be expected; I mean I knew that my toy was obsolete the day I bought it, but at least I’ll be able to upgrade the OS along with everyone else. WRONG! “And this new OS will come with every new iPod. Generation 1 iPods will pay (some amount of money, I don’t remember) to get this upgrade. Isn’t this wonderful?” says Steve.

The fuck? But it’s a device upgrade…those are supposed to be free. I grit my teeth and purchase the upgrade. “Fine, I want to be able to use all of the new apps that require this upgrade.” A few months go by and another upgrade is announced. I think about this time the iPhone had come out and was running the same OS as my iPod. Now that the iPhone is getting an upgrade for free, surely iPod Touches, it’s older brother, will get a free upgrade right?

My anger rises as I see that JOBS prancing around the stage telling his new found iPhone children that they’re getting the upgrade for free, but the iPod touch redheaded stepchild is feeling the burn again and will have to pay for another upgrade. This happens several more times: a new iPod Touch, a new iPhone OS, old iPod Touches will pay.

My hatred for Apple has been cemented. How the hell are they not giving people who have been loyal to their company anything at all? My co-workers at the time knew what I was going through and had no sympathy. The student workers who were avid Apple fanboys were trying to justify to me why Apple was doing this. I would have nothing of it. My mind was made up and I said to myself “I will never buy a fucking Apple product as long as I live.” This hate consumed me and had an effect on my job; any time I had to work on an iMac or set up an iPhone, I wouldn’t do it happily. In passing I would say something like “Well I don’t like Macs but I’ll work on them.” The professors didn’t like that and when they’d call and get me on the desk, they’d ask if someone else could help them. Fuck no, I’m helping you and you’ll like it.

Then Jobs died.

Nothing changed, I still hate Apple, their products, and their iOS. But I’ll work with them since EVERYONE seems to think that they’re the thing to go to. Even my workplace has converted our service desk to 2 shiny iMacs…Disgusting.

Let me make a special note: This was YEARS ago. Even though I dislike Apple, I’ll work with them.

About the whole Kony thing. Stop complaining that people are becoming aware NOW about it. Obviously, the people who didn’t know about it are now finding out and want to do something about it. So it’s been going on for 20 years, does it make it wrong for people to want to fix it when they find out about it? Don’t fault people for being oblivious to something and then becoming aware.

Also, I guess there’s something wrong with invisible children and misappropriation of funds. Well, it costs money and takes time to get the word out about things and I don’t fault them for that. The only thing I find wrong is that they falsely reported their income.

One of my friends posted on their Facebook about hover peeing (A girl obviously). This led to a discussion about touching things in the bathroom. Don’t you people know how to use the bathroom without touching anything? It’s simple. 

1. After the business is done, use your foot to flush. If using a urinal, fuck flushing, because that’s the next person’s problem.

2. Grab 3 paper towels, 1 for the handle to turn on the water and 2 to use as a drying agent for your hands. THESE PAPER TOWELS ARE ESSENTIAL FOR YOU GETTING OUT CLEANLY.

3. Put the two paper towels that you will use to dry off under your armpits DO IT (I assume your shirt covers your armpits). The one that you’ll use to turn on the water will remain on the knob until finished.

4. Turn the water on with the paper towel, splash water on the paper towel to keep it in place. Wash your hands. Dry your hands with the paper towels under your arm.

5. USE THE PAPER TOWELS YOU USED TO DRY YOUR HANDS OFF TO OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR. If you can push the door open, USE YOUR FUCKING FEET AND KICK IT OPEN.

It reads more complicated than it actually is. If your bathroom doesn’t have paper towels, I just wasted your time. Thank you.